How to live in the NOW when it Hurts to Be There

“The Now”, that elusive place we are all meant to dwell. The place where we are engaged and aware.  The place where we are not running away or escaping or day-dreaming.  The here-and-now where life is actually happening……….  

Sometimes The Now can hurt…..a lot.  Sometimes the now hurts so much that we can’t stand to dwell in it.   The tricky thing however is that in order to transform The Now into a place that is joyful, often we have to go there and stay there for a while.

Have you ever noticed that children are most often care-free and happy? It is because they exist and operate almost wholly in their Now. 

When I find myself turning toward escapism and focusing on unhappiness its usually because something in my Now is hurting.

I am learning that the difference between joy, and suffering is how I choose to view and manage the events in my life. The big and the small.  And to me, being happy in my day-to-day life seems to depend on two things:

1: Finding the joy in the mundane rhythms of life through the very experience of being alive, here, today, NOW.

2: Being brave enough to recognize that when The Now really begins to hurt, it’s a sign that I need to make a change, and maybe a big one.   

As I learn how to deliberately exist in my Now,  I have picked up a few techniques that help me re-centre, and locate my happiness.  Here they are:

1. Sit down and look at your hands.

That’s right.   Sit down.  Take a few deep breaths and hold your hands up in front of your face. Take in the details of your fingernails, your knuckles, what rings you may be wearing.  Keep breathing.  Relax your shoulders. Next flip your hands over to look at your palms.  Consider your hands.  Your fingers.   How do they feel?  Your hands are yours, given to you as a tool to help you be capable in life.

This is a mini-meditation of sorts, drawing you out of your head and down, into your body. Continue to take deep breaths and consider your life force, the life that animates your hands. This is you.  Remember that you are meant to be here. 

2. Spend Purposeful Time With The People You Love

Who do you love?  Who is close to you in your life?   Are they a child?  Are they growing old?  What frustrates you about them?  What do you accept unconditionally about them? How have they changed from last year?  What do you love about them? How do you like to spend time with this person?  DO IT! 

Sometimes we forget how enjoyable it is to connect with the hearts and minds of the people that we love.   Being with close friends and loved ones draws us into the joy of the Now.

3. Remember that today is the only day that you have.

This is it folks.  This is your life.  Love it or hate it.  You are in it, right now.  Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow never comes.  

Look around the room. This is your reality.  Take a breath and feel the life inside you.  Put your feet on the floor.  If you can, take off your socks and shoes and feel the floor. Here you are in life.  Some believe that you came to this earth intentionally.  I like that idea. It resonates with me.  If I chose to be here, now, then there is something here for me.   Today is the day. Seize it.  Find something you like, and be there with it. Today. 

4. Consider the small things that you like to do.  Do one of them.

What are the simple things you like to do?  They may not be things that are important to others, or they may not even seem important to you.  But they are important. Because happiness is often found in the small things that happen every day, not in some great thing that may, or may not happen one day. 

Remember the small things that made you feel happy in days or years past. Do one of them.  Feel the simple happiness in it. Place importance on small activities and tasks that cause you to feel satisfied, purposeful and happy. Make a point of incorporating them into your day or week.  This can be anything from eating an ice-cream to pulling weeds to organizing your room. Do it.

5. Garden or touch the Earth is a tangible way.

Speaking of pulling weeds, a fast way to get grounded directly into The Now is to spend some time gardening.  Getting your feet directly on the Earth and your hands into some soil connects us with our life source and stabilizes our energy.  Its almost magical.  Maybe it is magic. 

Often after a few minutes of working outside with plants and soil, I am surprised at how calm and happy I feel in a very simple and satisfying way.

If you don’t have a garden or even a back-yard, and this resonates with you, you can start an apartment garden and plant food in pots from your kitchen table.

6. Get some sun.

Science tells us the only way our bodies can make health-giving vitamin D is through exposure to sunshine, yet our society has caused us to fear the sun and its rays.  I say…bunk!  I believe that the sun is healing and therapeutic. 

Watch how animals behave.  House pets are often first to find a patch of sun pouring through the windows to bask in.  And the same goes for wild animals too.  The sun feels good.   And you can use that as your guide.  As long as the sun you are sitting in feels good, it likely is good for you.

Walk in the park, sit on a balcony or deck, go to the beach.   If its winter and its cold outside, a brisk walk on a sunny day is also healing.  Even finding a sunny patch inside in a bright room can be incredibly uplifting and make you feel very good.

7. Walk in the woods or beside water.

Right up there with sunshine is nature.  Science is now proving that when surrounded by trees or large and flowing bodies of water, humans produce endorphins that calm anxiety and activate our happiness centres in the brain.  A simple walk in the woods or on the beach can draw us into our joyful Now. 

This also explains why we have a positive emotional reactions when viewing beautiful beach  and nature scenes. Human beings have evolved  and are designed to be in nature.  Nature causes humans to slow down, calm down and feel joy. 

The cement jungle so many of us live is causes us pain simply because we did not evolve to thrive in an urbanized environment.

8. Name the things that are causing you pain.

Sometimes avoiding The Now can become a bad habit and things are not actually as bad as they seem. When this is the case, regularly and purposefully re-connecting to The Now can be enough to restore joy.  

At other times something real and tangible is wrong and needs to change.

Once you’ve taken steps to re-connect yourself in a grounded way, its time to bravely name your pain.

You might find that its only an attitude or approach to daily life that is detracting from your joy.  

Or, you may be able to identify circumstances in your life that are causing you pain and obstructing your happiness.

Or, perhaps your Now is simply uninspiring and you are not living up to your potential.

All are within your power to change.

Either way, look at them.  Name them.  Own them.   Take responsibility for the part you have played in creating your Now. Only then will you be empowered to change those things. Calling them out is the beginning of change.

9. Engage in the process of change.

When you are ready to make big changes, do them purposefully and mindfully.  Make changes with deliberate awareness of what brings joy in your life, and in the direction that you feel called to go.

This life calls us forward continually.  I rejoice in knowing that we are all presented with opportunities to awaken further every single day.  We only need to slow down enough, and be present enough to notice them.

May the force be with you.

If you find this post meaningful, please share it with others. 

Do you have any rituals or practices that help you to dwell in your NOW?  Please share them in the comments below. 

Mari-Claire Watkins is an Intuitive Philosopher, Engaging Speaker and Tarot Card Expert.  She writes, reads and lives in Ontario, Canada with her husband and 6 children.

Mari-Claire is available to read Tarot and speak at events all over North America.                                 LEARN MORE HERE